Just What We Needed

It has been a long day today. But I cannot go to sleep until I have recorded the details of today's funeral for little Ty. Because it was perfect.

When Dan and I arrived at the chapel, we were greeted by the entire BYU mens rugby team. We stepped through the doors and were so touched by the simple gesture of them being there for us. They had a rugby game in an hour and a half - but there they were, dressed in their athletic warm-ups to show their support for us. Dan and I sobbed as their low voices filled the entire church with "Ye Elders of Israel" and "Army of Helaman". Then each of them hugged us as they left, leaving us with the knowledge that they would be dedicating their game to our son, Ty Edward Kiefer. Dan will always be proud to have been part of such an amazing group of men.

Dan and I walked hand-in-hand to the viewing room, knowing we would need to hold onto each other when we entered. We barely made it through the doors as our hearts broke at the sight of our son in his little white casket. But the room was so beautiful. The room was warmly lit, with a table full of framed pictures and scattered flower petals, and other memories of Ty - such as the tiny casts made of his hands and feet. There was an abundance of flower arrangements all throughout the room, and chairs covered in silky linens. To the side, there was the precious DVD montage playing instrumental primary songs while the pictures and video of Ty cycled through. An off-white curtain was draped on the wall behind the casket, reminding me of gentle clouds. And baby Ty looked beautiful - just like he was sleeping. The day before, his grandmothers and aunts dressed him all in white and wrapped him in a little blanket. Today, Dan and I added a blue stuffed bear for Ty to hold in one arm, with his green binky in the other hand. We kissed him and held his hand, saying our good-byes and promises that we will work hard to be with him again.

We were able to speak to and hug so many loving friends and family that came to the viewing. I laughed and cried and smiled, unsure where my emotions would lead me from one minute to the next. And then there was the funeral service itself. When we entered the chapel, there were close to 400 people that stood up out of respect, while the organ played, "Consider the Lily of the Fields". As I walked behind Dan who carried Ty' closed casket, pain tore at my stomach and I let out fresh sobs. I was torn between feeling so much pain for my baby, and so much love and support from the mass of people over-flowing the room.

No one can deny the spirit that was in that room. Dan and I both shared in Ty's Eulogy. I focused on receiving comfort, and shared the poem I know I was inspired to find to know that Ty was happy and did not want me to be sad. And that I knew there were spirits and angels buoying me up to give me strength to stand. Dan spoke about how Ty changed our life - Dan's in particular, in teaching him how to be a father. He shared a letter he wrote to Ty, saying that Ty is our motivator to reach the Celestial Kingdom. He concluded by singing a Samoan hymn with Ryan and a former mission companion - a song about trying harder when the road gets tough.

My dad spoke about parents that will get to raise their child after the resurrection - that even though the child's spirit is mature, that the mother will be able to hold her child again in the physical stage he was in when he died. Dan's mission president also spoke on this topic - something that brings me so much hope. President Mendenhall is a powerful speaker, combining humor with gospel truth. It's no wonder to me that Dan loves and respects that man! The "Rock" siblings and spouses sang, "Where Can I Turn for Peace" (a favorite hymn of mine that has brought me much comfort in the past). The service concluded with testimonies from the Kiefer/Rock family members. It was an hour and forty minutes full of the greatest spirit that filled Dan and I with so much peace. It was the closure we needed to put much of our grief to rest.

It was rainy and cold at the burial sight. Dan's older brother, Jake, dedicated the grave. Dan and I, and Ty's grandparents laid white roses on his casket. And then Ty's body was laid to rest in the ground.

The cultural hall, like every other part of the service, was beautifully decorated. There was a nice display of ham, potatoes, and sweet spinach salad. And they used real dishes (as opposed to paper plates) at the tables. This room was also filled with flowers, and Ty's pictures were displayed everywhere, with the DVD montage playing again. Everyone was amazed at the hard work that my relief society had produced to make today's funeral an absolutely peaceful and memorable event. I feel so much love and gratitude in my heart for their Christ-like service.

It's amazing how grief can be exchanged for pure happiness. Dan and I have been so happy all day. At the end of the evening, 21 of us went to Olive Garden for dinner. No one would have believed we had just attended a baby's funeral. We were laughing and joking as we enjoyed our dinner. Since we were spread out around a long, rectangular table, we even played 3 rounds of "telephone" just to feel connected to each other. It was so fun! I love our families so much - especially that we all get along so well. Dan and I feel THIS is how Ty would want us to be: happy and enjoying each other's company.

I know rough times await me. There may be days when I'm not able to feel as positive as I do right now. But now I have recorded the things I want to remember - the things that I will need to read again to strengthen and motivate myself.

Thank you to everyone for your prayers and love. Please know it has made such a difference for Dan and I. We love you.