Sources of Comfort

I truly believe certain people have been sent to Dan and I to lift us up, as well as pass on messages that we've needed to hear. One such message came from a new friend of mine in our ward. Her name is Jamie Malloy. About a week after the funeral, she invited me to go walking along the Provo trail with her. We walked and talked for a couple hours, just getting to know each other, but inevitably talking about Ty and the whole experience. I admitted to her that sometimes I wasn't sure how I was doing so well - that I wondered why I wasn't locked up in my room, crying all day. I was even feeling a little guilty for not grieving so openly, and thought that perhaps I was suppressing my feelings as a coping method.

That evening, Jamie left a note on my door with some thoughts that she felt she really needed to share with me:

"...Never doubt where that peace comes from. Heavenly Father knows our struggles. If you cast your burdens on the Lord, He will make you whole. I have a strong testimony of the Lord's willingness to aid us in our troubles. The atonement applies to these situations, too. Remember Christ felt every sorrow and experienced every pain so that He would know how to help us."

(Mosiah 24:13-14)
"And it came to pass that the voice of the Lord came to them in their afflictions, saying: Lift up your heads and be of good comfort, for I know of the covenant which ye have made unto me; and I will covenant with my people and deliver them out of bondage. And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage, and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions.

After I read Jamie's note, I felt very impressed that I was to know this, and felt a surge of peace come back over me to put my doubt aside. I was reminded that it's OK not to feel sad all the time; that it's OK to feel happy and peaceful much of the time. Sometimes, I do still think I am holding back some of my emotions. But often times, my ability to get up and smile every day is indeed genuine and comes from unseen sources. (Oddly enough, those scriptures were repeated in sacrament meeting and Sunday school this past Sunday - not to mention the three articles on trials in the March Ensign...)

Dan and I have gone to the temple over the past two Fridays since the funeral. The first time, we participated in sealings. Never has that meant more to me than it did that day. It was a very impactful experience - as was the Celestial room afterwards (note to self: see written journal for details. Anybody else, you're welcome to ask me about it.) It was just another source of comfort regarding our future family.

I anxiously await this quickly approaching Easter. When I've thought of the atonement in the past, my first thought was always sin and the blessing of repentance. But now I more thoroughly understand other aspects of it: that the Savior does know how I am feeling, and shares in my pain and lifts my burdens. I am grateful for the good people that have been sent to me to help me understand and remember that message.