She's here, at Last!

I am filled with unbelievable love, gratitude, and amazement every time I look and hold our little girl.

AIYANA KAY KIEFER

Born May 17th at 12:35 AM. 7lbs, 20 inches long 

I can't believe she's really here! And to think I'm supposed to still be pregnant for another couple days. Well, every birth has it's story. Let's go back to Sunday, May 15th. . .

My mom, Jen, and her two kids (Kylana and Brax) are staying with us here in Provo. Early Sunday evening we went for a walk along the Provo trail. The weather was perfect and the trail so green and blooming with spring. We only walked about a mile and a half though because the baby had seriously dropped sometime that weekend and there were moments when I felt like she was ready to fall out! It was hurting to walk too much more. Back at home, we took it easy but I was cramping the rest of the evening and contracting off and on. The tightening was stronger than Braxton Hicks but not consistant enough to time them, so I didn't think too much about it.

First thing Monday morning I went to my 39 week (and three days) doctor appointment. I officially weighed in at 167lbs, putting my final pregnancy gain at a whopping 30lbs, though my fundal height maintained at 38cms. The midwife checked my cervix and she immediately commented, "Ohhh, you are so ready to have this baby! You are 3-4cms dilated and 90% effaced." I was shocked and elated! We talked about the option of induction because I am strep B positive. Keeping in mind my super fast labor with Ty, induction would allow a controlled environment where I could receive the two doses of antibiotics, preventing any risk of infection passing onto the baby. If not treated, the statistic we heard was that 5/100 babies will become infected (leading to IVs and prolonged treatment at the hospital) and 2/100 will die. We were lucky that Ty did not become sick, and we did not want to take any chances on this baby. I was not eager to be induced and wanted some time to digest this information, so we set a tentative induction day for Wednesday. For the rest of the day, my job was to pay attention to my body and any labor signs.

I cramped for hours after my appointment and had contractions about 8 minutes apart, but by mid-afternoon they had mostly subsided. To be safe, we cancelled our family plans to meet up with Emily and Addie at Hogle Zoo, as well as our Karaoke night in Murray that Ryan excitedly set up for us! They, along with Pat and Lynette, came down to Provo instead. Everyone made bets I'd be going into labor late that evening. Perhaps I was in nervous denial but I anticipated true labor to begin sometime Tuesday afternoon. Still, I followed my mom's suggestion and enjoyed an extra long, hot shower and styled my hair to last a couple days, as well as shaved my legs and pampered my skin with sea-salts. Then I took what ended up being my last pregnancy shots:

Around dinner time (when family arrived) I started cramping and contracting again, but the contractions were not consistant enough to go to the hospital, according to the textbook rule. As the evening progressed, they were again 8 minutes apart, then dropped to 5-6 minutes, but then jumped back up to 8 or 9 minutes, then back down again to under 5 minutes . . . They were uncomfortable but if I did not need to be cautious about getting to the hospital in time for strep B, I would not have thought I needed to go. Dan, on the other hand, was adamant and anxious about getting to the hospital in time, and things became a little tense at home off and on as we tried to figure out when and what we were supposed to do. When I started talk about needing to use the bathroom for a few minutes, Emily and Dan both said, "Oh, no you don't. You are going to the hospital now!"

We arrived at Orem Community Hospital at 9:25pm, escorted by my mom and two brothers. A nurse checked my cervix and determined I was at a 4+ for dilation (closer to a 5) and still 90% effaced. Thirty minutes later they checked me again to see if I had progressed (and if I should then be admitted). I was all ready 6cms. They admitted me ASAP and started a bag of IVs to treat the Strep B, which only took ten minutes. We had time to set up music (Josh Groban and then later a group called, "Land of Forever"), become familiar with the room and nursing staff, and I received a blessing from Dan and Ryan. (A funny side-note is that none of the men had their oil with them, but Jamie -- who arrived shortly after I was admitted -- had her husband's oil on her car-keys and saved the day. She was fully prepared for every occasion!)



We set up Ty's picture and teddy-blankie across the room from my bed.

  By the time we were situated, I started needing to breathe through the contractions a little bit. 

My brothers took off around this time to be with their wives who were hanging out at the condo with Jen and all the kids. It was sweet of them to come and help send me off, as well as the rest of my family cheering me on at the condo. Kind of seemed like a big party!

This is where the hypnobirthing techniques came into play. Jamie is training to be a doula, so I was lucky enough to receive her experienced service as my friend and doula. At this point, the contractions were not that bad yet. They only lasted 45-60 seconds and were really tight and uncomfortable but definitely manageable, especially since they were coming at six minutes apart, giving me plenty of time to relax, smile and talk in between.  

Jamie and Dan helped me try a few different positions. My favorite was sitting on the birthing ball and leaning onto the bed, resting my head on my arms and a pillow. I started feeling more pain in my bum, so Dan would apply counter pressure to my lower back and butt. At 11:20pm, I was dilated to 7cms and still 90% effaced.

 The key to hynpobirthing is staying calm and relaxed. Breathing deeply and slowly in and out was the most essential element. The other was having a support team to remind me how to do it. I felt so blessed to have Dan, Jamie, and my mom working with me so lovingly. Honestly, the two hours I spent between 6 and 7cms dilated was so peaceful and relaxing in between contractions. I remember smiling at everyone, almost with a laugh, and saying, "This feels too easy!" I felt like a pampered queen. As soon as I felt a contraction coming, all I had to do was stop talking, lay my head down, close my eyes . . . and immediately, three pairs of hands were massaging my feet, my shoulders, applying counter-pressure and hot or cold compresses as needed... I was barely aware of them whispering to each other, and often times, I don't think they were even talking. Dan, my mom, and Jamie all seemed to know what I needed and what to do.

Jamie and Dan took turns using guided imagery to distract me from focusing on the contractions. The most helpful imagery was hearing Dan compare the contractions ("surges") to a wave: "The wave flows through you . . ." This phrase he used over and over to remind me that the contraction was moving through my body and to not let it consume me or "knock me down". He described our experience at a beach in New Jersey last year where we would dive through the waves, rather than let them hit us or swallow us whole. It was helpful to have a true memory to bring to mind. It also reminded me that the surge would always pass, helping the contractions feel mostly just irritating as I tried to ignore them.

Around 11:50pm I dilated to 8cms and was completely effaced. The next forty minutes took a lot more concentration as the contractions peaked in intensity and longevity. I stopped opening my eyes or talking in between, except perhaps to murmur for counter-pressure. Sometimes Jamie would have to remind me not to let the contraction "catch my breath" and to relax my face and shoulders, where I tended to tense up first. "Stay ahead of it. Nice deep, steady breaths. . . breathe in, fill your belly and on the exhale blow it away. . ."  It was a challenging mental game, where my opponent increased in strength the further I progressed. But I, too, managed to fight back unconventionally by remaining as serene as I could and letting all my muscles drop and relax. Sometimes I found myself releasing a low moan -- one that I always thought I'd be too embarrassed to do, but it came out naturally and offered some relief. The difference all this made in surviving the surges was incredible.

By midnight, my bag of water was bulging but still had not broken. My midwife had commented earlier that my labor would have been finished a long time ago if they broke my water, but because they hoped I'd make the four hour mark to get the second dose of antibiotics, we allowed everything to flow naturally.  In the meantime, I continued to feel tons of rectal pressure, and the urge to push increased until suddenly I was 10cms around 12:15AM. Dan told me that it was about this time when the midwife whispered that it was "mean to make her keep going" because at the rate I was dilating and contracting, I wasn't going to make the four-hour mark anyway.

Just as they were discussing breaking my water, I felt a small gush during a particularly strong contraction. With another grunt and urge to push that I could not resist, the rest of the water broke all over the pillow that was resting between my legs, since I was laboring on my left side by now. At this point, I started losing control of my breathing. My whole body tensed up, feeling the very beginnings of the baby's head emerge. The next ten minutes were the most painful, though it all happened so fast. Suddenly, I was turned over onto my back, legs open in the traditional birth position. I let out some short grunts/cries, trying hard not to let the pushing urge overtake me. I was afraid I would not be able to control it, and at times it seemed impossible, my body taking over in this final stage. I eventually heard Dan calling my name from where he held my right leg. My eyes locked on his as he spoke to me, and I regained some control. My midwife was then telling me to give small pushes, and I felt the burning and stretching more than I ever remember with Ty.

 At the same time, both in Thai and English, I heard the words, "Your baby's coming. She's almost here," coming from both my mom on my left and Dan on my right. My mom continued to speak in Thai, mentioning that Ty was there. My eyes flickered instantly to the framed picture of my son across the room, strengthening me for those final moments as I also pictured my daughter coming to me -- the one I had been waiting so long for.

 With only a few pushes, Aiyana arrived. They wiped her down briefly before placing her on my abdomen. I immediately cried in relief and joy -- tears that quickly transitioned to those of heavy grief, old and new, as I remembered my baby boy -- then flowing to tears of hope. At last, I was a mommy again, and my little girl was lying on my stomach, her tiny limbs held in my hands.



This is the midwife who was on call that night, Jennifer. She did a wonderful job helping where she could, though she mostly stayed hands-off because of how involved everyone else was in supporting me. There wasn't much for her to do! She was terrific in helping me not tear though, as she guided the baby's head out. I couldn't believe it was all over. The seemingly endless waiting and the challenge of labor. . . it was finally over.

 I'm so grateful Jamie taught me about hynpobirthing. The experience was more incredible than I believed possible. Honestly, I had no idea labor could be that manageable. It's only the last ten-fifteen minutes that I will probably always dread. I don't know if there's any getting past that particular intensity! But it's totally worth it. I'm happy Jamie could be there to share in the experience of this new stage in my life. She's going to make an amazing doula in her future career.

 The rest of my support team! It would not be the same experience without all of them. Each of them played a special role and I am so grateful for their encouragement and love. Ty's labor was the last birth my mom attended so she was especially emotional beforehand about being there, but she really maintained composure and focused on my needs. And Dan... I am so incredibly lucky to have him. It was such an act of love to share in this labor experience together. He truly exerted so much physical effort to help soothe me that he, too, was sweating and tired by the end of it. But I never would have known because he did not complain or hesitate to assist me even once. He told me afterwards that now, he would never have it any other way.

 I nursed Aiyana within thirty minutes of her birth. She latched on right away. It was awesome!

Still a little bit pasty here...

I'll never know in this earth life is Ty was truly there or not. There was no undeniable sign that might prove he was. But I do believe he was there. Perhaps that beautiful peace and calm we felt for the majority of my labor was in part due to his presence. I don't know. . . but it's something that came to mind afterwards.

 This was taken the next day after a few hours of broken sleep. Aiyana actually slept pretty well, but Dan and I kept waking up on our own worrying about her. Old habits, I guess. . . Like I always say, it'll be a work in progress.

Sweet Aiyana, we are so happy you are here.