1st Trimester

At 14 weeks, I am just starting to feel better! This pregnancy sucked the life out of me, starting earlier and more intense than my previous four. I started feeling nauseous around 7 weeks, which is a week or two sooner. One week doesn't seem long but man, when the weeks are piled after another, every single day matters! In the past, my nausea tended to be in the evenings after dinner and I'd throw up once and that was the end of it. This pregnancy took me by surprise, the hour of each day unexpected. Some days I felt sick throughout the day, unable to keep any meal down. Other times, I would go two days not feeling morning sick at all, and then the next day it'd hit me hard. For about three weeks, our entire family came down with a virus that cycled through everybody twice! It's possible this stomach bug is what made this pregnancy harder, in part because I needed to care extra for all the kids and we were trapped at home. Getting out, even while not feeling 100%, is so important to my mental well-being!

FATIGUE. Ugh, fatigue like you wouldn't believe! This part of pregnancy did feel familiar though. The inability to stay away past 7 PM and the undeniable desire to nap every single afternoon--which I did, pretty much. Every afternoon, Logan naps 1-3 PM, so I'd put on a show for Aiya and Aaron (whoever was home) and I'd zonk out the entire time. This sounds wonderful, but it stressed me out! I recently re-submitted my novel, The Second Window, to my publisher Clean Teen and they accepted it! Awesome, except they expect a sequel by December, which is really pushing it for me to write a sequel, a feat I've never done before as it pertains to continuing a particular storyline. More pressuring than CTP's deadline is the more important deadline of my due date, December 26th. Since my babies tend to come a few days to a week early, I'm hoping for a December 18th baby... but that also means I can't falter on finishing this sequel! No way I will be able to write with a newborn, nor do I want to juggle that in my life as I adjust to four kids. So during this era of napping, the fact that I was getting more and more behind on my tight time-line for writing weighed on me. It still does! (Fortunately, as I creep into second semester, I can already feel my energy returning and can make it through an afternoon without falling asleep against my laptop.)

I felt like I started to show much sooner, around ten weeks. And that made me start to panic, even though I expected that the fifth pregnancy would do that. However, after a couple of weeks, what seemed like a growing belly seemed to dissipate. So I'm chalking it up to being bloated because I was vomiting so much at the time. I'm really not showing much at all yet. Just getting soft and squishy in my middle!

I am proud of the fact that I kept exercising 2-3 times a week throughout first trimester. Despite how tired and even the weeks of being ill from a virus, I made it to the gym once a week for my CX Works class to keep up with my core training. I attended Laura Mounteer's outdoor bootcamp until summer began, which is when she takes a break due to the heat. Fridays, I continue to play morning indoor soccer with 6-7 other athletic mamas. It's a small basketball court so we play 3v3 and it surprisingly requires a ton of cardio and bursts of speed for such a small space! I love it so much and I'm not sure how long I can play... but until I start showing more, I feel comfortable.

Competitive co-ed soccer had to end at 10 weeks though. I planned on playing until 12 weeks. Playing Friday nights with Dan has been the most fun I've had in a long time, feeling more like myself! It's 6v6 indoor soccer, a first for me, but it's such a blast! I love the feeling of bursting with speed and attacking the ball, mostly playing defense since I don't have much control of the ball to score. But my passing is decent and I'm still fast. I feel young and confident when I play, and enjoy the extra edge of playing against guys who are generally faster and more skilled than I am. Such a fun, exhausting challenge that always gives me a shot of adrenaline for hours! Enough that, even when the nausea would kick in, I'd force myself to get dressed and play anyway because the moment I'd get on the field, I wouldn't feel any of it. Too fun.

But then at 10 weeks I had a scare. On the way to the game, I said a prayer that I would know when I needed to stop playing. I also prayed that if any risky balls came my way, that I would have the agility and reflexes to avoid getting hurt. Well, during second half, I stood in front of a shot and the ball nailed me in the ribs, hard enough that I doubled-over, grabbing my torso. The goalie, who knows I'm pregnant and has been very protective (and mad at me for being stubborn enough to still play) ushered me off the field. I knew I was ok. The ball hit directly into my ribs because, despite how fast the ball fired at me, I managed to turn just in time. At ten weeks, I understood that the baby was likely still well hidden in my pelvis, which is the reason I was continuing to play in the first place. Even if the ball had hit me directly in the stomach, I still believe I would have been ok that early on. However, as I stared in the mirror in the facility bathroom, lifting my shirt to stare at the growing welt across my ribs, I teared up. That had been close. Too close for comfort, and I remember both parts of my prayer: to have the reflexes to prevent injury, and to know when I needed to be done.

I needed to be done.

It seems like a no-brainer solution to the problem. But I am addicted to sports. A selfish part of me was returning, where I remembered the cockiness and surge of confidence I feel every time I'm on a field, like when I played rugby in college. It was so difficult to give up and choose motherhood instead, which provides a different, more rewarding joy in other ways. But the part of me that is an athlete savors competition and feeling my best. We'd only discovered co-ed soccer a few weeks before I became pregnant so it's been a short lived thrill after so many years of missing team sports, and one where I could be on the field with Dan, too. Reminded us so much of our college dating years!

But I know this season I'm right now of motherhood is what I need to be doing right now, and soccer will always be there. I'll be back as soon as I can! (Anticipating 6-8 weeks post-delivery. =) )

So that has been first trimester. Grueling fatigue, nausea, vomiting, cycling illness, exercising, and the thrill and disappointment of giving up sports again. While it's hard to feel like there is  a baby inside of me at this time, the idea brings me happiness and I can't wait until I can regularly feel this little one inside of me, reminding me of this precious gift to be able to carry and deliver our child.

One semester down, two more to go!