I went to visit Ty in the cemetery today. I spoke out loud today, the following thoughts, hoping that maybe Ty could hear me:
Ty,
For someone who hates math, you sure have made me do a lot of counting! I counted dates and numbers for the entire 13 months we tried to get pregnant with you. And the counting only continued...
Hours until I could find the right time to tell your dad I was pregnant.
Weeks until we could hear your heart-beat. 10, to be exact.
16 weeks to find out we would raise a son.
20 weeks to be sure you were indeed still a boy, and you were growing just fine - minus a little worry about echogenic bowel in the ultrasound. But it was nothing. You were perfect from the start.
39 weeks, 3 days when we held you in our arms.
2 hours of sleep here and there throughout the nights...for a while.
8 weeks when you gave us a true, undeniable smile.
2 months, 6 days when your dad gave you a name and a blessing.
10 weeks when you rolled over 3 times in five minutes from tummy to back.
3 months when you laughed so long and loud that we never stopped craving the sound!
4 months when you finally rolled from back to tummy! You tried so hard for weeks and finally succeeded. We were so proud of you.
4 months, 1 week, we started you on rice cereal.
4 months, 17 days, your dad and I each had a lasting, special moment with you that evening.
4 months, 18 days when you returned to our Heavenly Father and Jesus.
And I'm still counting. But the counting that once began with your earthly creation now marks our days apart.
1 month, 6 days that we have missed you. Every day.
If I could, were the knowledge made known to me, I would anxiously count the days to the Millennium, when your dad and I will raise you again - when we will hold you in our arms and love you just as we did the day you were born. Since I can't follow a countdown, instead, we will just keep counting forward, one day at a time.
Recovering and Surrendering
9 years ago
8 comments:
Erica, I sure love you! You are very expressive and I admire that about you! You are a woman of great faith! Let me know if there is anything I can do for you!
Speechless, tearful, and heart bursting with love for you guys. I need to hug you the next time I see you.
Erica, that is such a beautiful, poetic post. Once again, I am bawling. I can't wait 'til you get to hold him again, either. Thank you for your inspiring faith and perspective. You may feel strengthened by your friends and family, but we are also strengthened by you.
Dido to everyones comments. In tears here as well. I love you so much
Oh this is such a great post. You have such a way with words. This I think brought on a lot of emotions. You are wonderful.
Oh, Erica, I just love you! Thanks for sharing your sweet moments.
Thanks for sharing. That was so beautifully written, and I need a box of tissues now! I love you so much, and I wish that you didn't have to go through such a painful experience. We are thinking of you and Dan...
Erica, what an amazing way to describe the key moments of Ty's life. Thank you so much for allowing me to share your thoughts. You and Dan inspire me so much... I am sure Dan has told you what is going on with my baby right now. Without either of you knowing, you have been an inspiration and strength to me. I found out about my baby the same day I found out about Ty. Some how even though I do not know you (actually we have only met one time at the Barrister's Ball in 2009)I immediatly felt connected to you and Dan. Your family has been in my thoughts often for the last month and half. I pray that you continue to have the strength to go on as you say, "one day at a time." I know that if you can muster the strength and courage and Heavenly Father can help you that I might also be able to make it through my trying future. Again, Thanks so much!!
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