Lessons Taught and Lessons Learned

This has been such a crazy, busy week. It was my last week working with my Telos boys, so I wanted to do something they would really enjoy. We made ice-cream using one of those old-fashion, hand-cranked churners. There was a lot of preparation I needed to do each day and sometimes it was hectic squeezing it in around other things I wanted or needed to do for my job at Transition... but I'm really glad we did it. As sat in a circle and enjoyed our delicious vanilla ice-cream with brownies and toppings, I talked to them about the value of hard work and the things we take for granted in life. It is one of my favorite "object lesson" activities. We talked about how much easier and faster it is to spend a few dollars on a tub of ice-cream, so why bother with the extra time and energy on home-made? Each of the three groups had positive responses about how much better it tasted and how rewarding it felt. So we related that to their personal lives, including listing some things they take for granted.

For my example, I told them about a few years ago when I was a fully committed rugby player for BYU - how that was a huge part of my world, and what I believed at the time was my identity. I had a very hard time letting go when I graduated. When Dan and I had talked about having babies soon, it was just an idea at the time, and a selfish part of me was scared and resistant because I knew I would have to give up some things, including being able to jump in random rugby games whenever I wanted, among other things. Sometimes I wasn't sure how I felt about motherhood.

Then in October 2007, Dan and I both felt ready to become parents, or at least begin the process. It was a long 13 months before I became pregnant. I always tell the boys when we talk about challenges and trials, "Looking back on trials, sometimes it is not the length of the trial that is hard, but in the moment, not understanding or knowing when that trial will be finished." During those months, I gained a true desire of motherhood, and I wanted it more than anything. My selfishing thinking was destroyed and replaced with an immense love that only grew as I held my son in my arms. Since Ty passed away, I have looked back at the four months. Never have I wondered if I loved him enough or appreciated him enough. During sleepless nights, my patience survived. When I had mastitis, I cried but remembered, "I wanted this more than anything", and it helped me toughen up and appreciate the love and smiles he offered in return. There were days that were harder than others, of course. But I can honestly look back and say I did not take my son for granted.

As I shared this with the boys, I also realized the reason for this is because my previous challenge had prepared me for it. I learned to value motherhood, and I discovered how much I wanted it, so that when I had it I appreciated every minute with him. How grateful I am now for that trial.

I love these Telos boys. They have been such a healing tool for my heart and soul, as I have shared my life with them and accepted them into mine. I try and teach them what I can... but in the end, they seem to teach me.

I will miss them so very much when I leave this summer. Monday is my last day with them. I have something planned that I hope and pray will be impactful for them.