After the funeral, my Aunt Lori and Uncle Scott asked me to send in a few pictures of Ty. They gave them to Jean Keaton, who is absolutely talented and amazing. Of course, I cried when I opened these on Mother's Day. What a precious, priceless gift for Dan and I to receive on such a special day.
Thank you so much! The drawings still bring so much comfort, peace, and smiles to our faces.
I adore Ty's eyes in this close-up. My heart melts just like it did when he was in my arms. He sure loved that teddy-bear blankie!
I started writing Ty's story this week. There are so many special experiences with him, before conception and following his death, that I continue to feel compelled to write them all down. I've been praying for strength and inspiration to help me capture this experience in an accurate, uplifting way.
But, of course, there is that awful morning to account for. This afternoon, it came time to write it. I simply bawled throughout the course of immersing myself in the memory. I could have stopped...but for some reason, I feel the need to record it, perhaps to prepare anyone reading Ty's whole story to more fully understand the grief cycle and healing process that is expressed through my blog entries (which will follow in format).
It's been six months and one week since Dan and I lived that nightmare. It's interesting to look back at my first journaling and see how far I've come and how much Dan and I have accomplished in half a year.
After reliving the memory, it took a few minutes to shake myself awake and remember that I'm OK. That life is progressing, and I'm healing. It's not that first day anymore...and I'm pregnant.
Finding out I am pregnant again at the exact six month mark gives me mixed feelings... But it does helps me feel hopeful for the future, and curious about the next few months leading up to the anniversary.
I'm still a little anxious believing I'm truly pregnant. I'm almost six weeks but my first appointment isn't until October 5th. I guess I just need to believe everything will work out just fine unless I hear otherwise.
Let's just hope there isn't an "otherwise".
4 comments:
Those are such sweet sketches. The one of Ty holding his teddy is my all time favorite! What a precious face! I can hardly wait to read your book! I'm glad you are actively working on it!
That is such a neat gift! I'm glad you started on your other book. I'm slightly afraid to read it someday because I know I will be bawling throughout the entire thing!
These sketches truly are amazing. They are beautiful. I still can't fathom what you guys are going through. It sounds like writing about that dreadful morning may have been cathartic for you. I still marvel at your faith and resilience - at the faith and resilience both you and Dan have. Trusting in the Lord and patiently waiting for Him to deliver on His word can be difficult, especially when He doesn't deliver in our time frame. But He delivers in the right time frame. He does what is best for our eternal progression. He doesn't think short term, like we do. Here, in this mortal existence, we really do see through a glass darkly, but He sees with perfect clarity. We know only in part, but He knows in full. It's amazing how things can change - how we can change - when we submit our will to our Father's will. After much tribulation, the blessings do come! We always want life to run smoothly. We always want everything and everyone to be alright. We always want to be comfortable. We always want everything to be perfect. And we, in our mortal state, want all of that right now! But that's not how the plan of salvation works. That's not why we're here. We're here to become as God, our Eternal Father, is. We are here to become like our Eternal Parents and to become eternal families. We can't become like Them unless we pass through the refiner's fire. Tragedies don't happen to us because we're unworthy. Blessings aren't delayed or denied because we've done something wrong. To the contrary, there are plenty of horrible people who seem to escape tragedy and difficulty in this life - but how far have they progressed? On the other hand, some few of us, like Ty, are so far down the path of progression that they don't need to experience mortality's full range of wonders and difficulties like the rest of us do. Tragedies and trials happen because they test, refine, strengthen and perfected us - at least they can if we allow them to. You and Dan are allowing them to. You guys are doing things the right way.
WOW. Those drawings are incredible. What a great gift. So priceless. Good for you for writing Ty's story and the healing process. Not only will it help you heal but many others I am sure.
Post a Comment