Adoring My Nephew

Visiting Pawnee and Ethan at the Hospital

The kids could not wait to meet their little brother! And they sure missed their mom for the four-five days she was at the hospital.

 Here they are, peeking into the nursery. The hallway was instantly filled with, "Oh, he's so cute!!"

 Lots and lots of love for Mommy!

 Pawnee was so happy to finally have a visit with her kids after three and a half days without them.

 Khun Yai and Christian

Ethan Comes Home!

I think it was Saturday morning that Ethan tore out his IV and all his tubes. The nurses had to repeatedly poke him to try and get the IV back in but for some reason, they just couldn't get the needle right. Poor Ethan. That must have felt miserable! However, this turned out to be a huge blessing because they decided to give Ethan a break, which allowed Pawnee to hold him and nurse him. With all the love, touch, and breast milk, Ethan's recovery amazed us all! What was anticipated to take seven more days of being hooked up to tubes and an IV suddenly surprised us with Ethan's return home on Monday night.  I will always be a firm believer in breast milk and the power of skin-to-skin cuddling between mother and baby.

At home, everybody wanted to hold Ethan as much as possible. It was a little tricky for Pawnee to share Ethan with all four of the kids while she also had to nurse him or change him (with what seemed like an all day, never-ending thing!) The kids took what they could get and loved every minute.

 I love this little face!

 Shelbi was fascinated with the concept of breastfeeding and wanted to give it a try! She's so hilarious.



 I definitely stole more than my share of baby love! My mom, knowing she still has three weeks with him, was kind enough to keep handing him off to me as much as possible. I am so grateful for the day-and-a-half I could have with Ethan at home. We were all praying hard! I was proud of the tag-team effort my mom and I accomplished in taking care of the kids while Pawn and Thomas were away. But it added a little bonus reward to be able to spend time with them at home, too.

 Ethan is such a sweetheart that sleeps a lot, nurses well for Pawnee, and loves to be held. Who wouldn't want to hold this little guy all day anyway?

For selfish reasons, I really needed Ethan home for my own needs, too. I wanted to remember what it's like to hold a fragile newborn in my arms--to feel the love and sweet spirit . . . as well as some of the fear I knew I would feel. The fear didn't hit me hard until last night. I had Ethan all swaddled in the Miracle Blanket I bought for Pawn (which I kept practing on with Ethan for fun!). I was talking to Dan on the phone while carrying Ethan in my arms, and after a few minutes I noticed Ethan's eyes roll back to the whites of his eyes. My heart stopped. My first instinct was to drop the phone and hand him over to someone else--anyone else but me. As my footsteps hurried into the next room, my thoughts raced: "Oh, no, I was squeezing him too tightly. He can't breathe!"

I nudged Ethan until he woke up seconds later, letting out the hugest sigh of relief as I walked into the room where Pawnee, Thomas, and my mom were talking. I didn't tell them until later how scared I had felt. But it was helpful to talk to them about it and be honest with my emotions, and the fact that I will have to deal with this. Every mom does to an extent. The image was just extra triggering to a deeply embedded horror I wish I could permanently dig up and throw away.

Despite that incident, or waking up a couple times last night wanting to jump out of bed and check on him, it was a really great experience to be with my nephew. I can't get over how cute he is. Pawn and Thomas sure do produce beautiful babes! More than the fear, I'm super excited and anxious in a happy way to meet my own baby and to play the role of motherhood again.

After taking care of four children, even with my mom's help, I was reminded how exhausting it is! I'm amazed that Pawnee does this every day, and that my mom did this very thing years ago and still kicks butt helping out her grown-up kids. It was beautiful watching Pawnee nurse and to see the initial pain when Ethan latched on, to then see her expression transfer into adoration as he fed.

It's all those things that I can't wait to have at my fingertips again. Three more months!