Aiyana's Nursery

In December, we finally decorated Aiyana's nursery! The crib is the same as the one we used with Ty, so it was a bit of a love-hate relationship to see it all set up in the nursery. However, it felt better once we put in the new crib bedding which Emily made. Thanks to her creativity in splicing these colors together, the rest of the nursery followed suite.

Aiyana's name on the wall was a team-effort: I picked out the letters and matched the colors, and then Dan (whose attention and patience to detail far surpassing my own) painted them. I added some cute flowers to each letter. Pawnee found the three flower/butterfly pieces at Hobby Lobby. (Thanks Parana!) As for the hanging quilt, yes, it is a beautiful quilt that Emily made to match the bedding, but we are using it as a curtain for now until we buy more curtains. Eventually, Aiyana gets to use it for her toddler bed.

 Turning to the right, we have the wicker laundry basket, changing table, and a very long, blank wall that will soon have Aiyana's newborn pictures printed and framed.

 Turning to the right again, here are Aiyana's bow and head-bands that she's starting to pull off her head and ruin my fun. The "letter A" decor is from Carrie, but I decided to paint it to tie in the nursery colors and brighten the neutral-colored room.

 Turning again, we have the rocking chair between the closet and window. Draped on the rocking chair is the blanket that was made for us when Ty passed away. I'm not in love with these dark curtains, but it will be easy to change the bedroom decor in the future without worrying about matching the curtain color. Also, on that wall next to the chair, I'll be putting up pictures of Ty.

 Ty's teddy-blankie sitting on the shelf. Not sure yet what to put on this other one.

 Zooming in on the crib-bedding details

I prefer a different sheet but that's all we use for now.

So there you have it. I love the bold colors that bounce off the neutral paint. Makes me happy.

One experience I'll share: Right around 7 months, I was cradling Aiyana in my arms, preparing her for her morning nap. She was particularly playful and happy, whereas she normally calms down quickly for bed. (She enjoys going to sleep!) She had this huge, wide-opened grin on her face as she looked up at me. . . then her eyes flickered above and behind my left shoulder, then back at me, then again to that same corner behind me, and back at me again. Aiyana had this look in her eyes, playful and knowing, like she was trying to tell me something -- something that was making her very happy. I had this thought that Ty might be in the room with us, and suddenly, I got chills up my back and around my neck. It sort of creeped me out, which threw me off a bit. But looking at Aiyana and her happiness, I smiled and (just in case) said out loud, "Ty, if you're here, it's Aiyana's nap-time. I'm happy you visit her but don't keep her up. I love you," and I walked out of the nursery.

This same thing happened very similarly the next day: that distinct expression on Aiyana's face, chills and all. There's no way to know for sure what that was all about, and maybe I made it up. I found myself wondering, "Why would I feel kind of creeped out? Shouldn't it just feel peaceful if Ty is around?" However, countering this thought, I've wondered maybe it's because I'm just not used to the feeling. I know some people have a gift for sensing these things and some don't, so maybe when I do on a rare occasion  it's a little over-whelming -- and too many scary movies have tainted me! I don't know. Anyway, I hope he visits Aiyana often.

I've heard cool stories about younger siblings of babies who have passed away who come to visit, and how these little toddlers talk about their "grown-up" older brother. I hope Aiyana tells me someday. There are days when she's crying in her crib after waking up from her nap too early, and as I let her cry a bit, sometimes her cries cut short -- and she starts babbling happily away. I watch her in the monitor and wonder so often what or who she's privileged to see at times. I wish so badly it could be me, too. Sometimes I'm lucky enough to feel him near though, or think I feel him. There's no way to know, and it's easier to doubt than believe. But I choose to believe.