Aiya at 8 Months

 So cute how she handles her binky these days. When she's crying in her crib, she'll often find it by herself. Very helpful!

 She was looking kind of sleepy and uninterested until her daddy came outside. She flashed him a smile . . .

 Then flashed me a smile!

 Her grin is so playful. This is where she started laughing really silly.

 She was not feeling well for a few days. This was taken at her cousin, Lila's birthday party where she was kind of tired and grumpy.

 Grandpa Rock came for a visit for a few days before he returns to China in a couple weeks. Aiyana hasn't seen him for 5 months but she took to him right away.

 The feeling was mutual. It was cute watching them play together. Aiyana learned that grabbing his glasses was a fun game -- her mama grew up doing the very same thing!

Aiyana has made some efforts towards crawling but get more frustrated than shows progress. Grandpa tried to help her out, both by manipulating her limbs and modeling for her. That was kinda funny! For mobility, Aiyana still rolls everywhere. If she wants a toy, she'll make swimming motions towards it and push up on her arms, but she hasn't grasped getting up on her knees just yet. That's ok--makes my life easier for now!

FUN FACTS:

• Latest Nicknames:
• "Aiya Papaya" coined by her aunt Jen who jokingly proposed the name to me when I was brainstorming. (Like how people say "Ana-Banana) Jen and I laughed over the phone about it, but it kinda stuck!
• I love to say to Aiyana, "ohh, what's the matter, 'Boo-boo?" because when she's sad, she'll often run her "B's" together, almost sounding like "boo-boo".
• "Baby Darth" for the heavy mouth-breathing she often does, usually following a nap. Her breath has turned stinky, too. = ( I miss her sweet, clean baby breath!
• Food-Spitting: After an entire month of spitting her food all over Dan and I at every meal, (soo frustrating!) she seems to have gotten over the excitement of this new skill, thankfully.
• Personality: She definitely has her moods. When she's happy, she's really happy, with this precious full laugh and wide-open smile, and enjoys being around other kids. With Dan and me she is playfully aggressive. She already thinks it's funny to slap us in the face or pull our bottom lip off, scratch our cheeks. . . The other day she hit me so hard in the head with a thermometer that my eyes teared up while Dan laughed out loud.  That's her when she's playing. So then when Aiyana's upset, wow, the world better watch out! She has a deep throaty cry that she makes when she's angry, which can be quite often but usually short-lived. I'm a little nervous for her to become a toddler! It's fun to watch her play with other kids though. Even if she's not necessarily playing with them, she's happy to be near them and share/take their toys. I'm a little wary of her temper but she sure makes me laugh throughout the day when she's in a good mood. Such a strong character in that little body!
• The Silly Songs We Sing:
• (To the tune of "Oh What a Night" by The Four Seasons) ~ "Oh, Baby Dirl! Around the world with my baby dirl. Doo do dooo, oh baby dirl!" (I don't know why the "d" sound for the "g" in girl, but that's what Dan started singing to her one day and now we sing that phrase to her all the time.
• (To the tune of "Who's that lady?" by The Isley Brothers) ~ "Who's that baby? Pretty baby?" sung after bath time as we look in the mirror at her cute nakey-ness.

ANXIETY CHECK-IN:
I've been doing pretty well. Best month yet!

I had a major set-back just before she was 7 months that I forgot to write about. I was feeling so relieved having the monitor and making progress, and then one night I went in to check on her and placed my hand on her back . . . I couldn't feel a thing, whereas normally, I can immediately sense her breathing, or my touch will startle her just a bit. I waited, then waited a little longer to total probably less than 10 seconds (but when I normally feel her breath after 1 second, it felt like an eternity!) I nudged her with no response whatsoever, when she has always flinched immediately. My heart racing, I roughly rolled her from stomach to back but she still didn't respond. About to scream, I scooped her up in a panic. Only then did she suddenly inhale sharply. Stifling tears and filled with shaky relief, I carried her to my room and let her fall back asleep next to me while I sat there, sort of dazed and too afraid to fall back asleep for a while. I don't know if it was simply periodic breathing or if she was just sleeping so deeply, but I prayed to Heavenly Father, expressing my fears that for the first time since she was a newborn, I truly, truly thought I'd lost another baby. It was only moments of sick, sick fear and devastation, but it was enough. I could not take that again.

All comfort I'd found in the video monitor was lost for a couple days. My thoughts started obsessing over baby-deaths again, researching online all the different scenarios and questioning Ty's death once more. Mentally and emotionally, I was not headed to a good place. Dan offered to give both Aiyana and me a blessing. He said something to me that has helped immensely about how Aiyana had a different mission than her brother, and would live to fulfill that mission.

It struck me that Aiyana's life was, in fact, not all about me and my trials! She has a mission of her own and will grow up to fulfill that. This has been the second blessing that states she will indeed grow up. It made me feel so much better and again, a large amount of anxiety that had returned was chased away once more through a priesthood blessing.

So these days, I feel pretty good. I still get scared once in a while -- ok, maybe the thought still crosses my mind multiple times on a daily basis that she might stop breathing -- but considering the other emotions and irrational thinking I have displaced, that's pretty good for me. *Sigh. It's kind of exhausting sometimes, but it comes with the territory, I guess. It's mostly night-times that make me nervous.

I love my little girl. Aiyana can be a handful some days, but overall, she's pretty manageable. I've learned I get more frustrated when I have things I'm trying to get done, so sometimes, I just have to put those things aside and spend time with her and she's happy. (Imagine that!)

Happy 8 months, Papaya!