I love most Disney movies. As a kid, the big event every summer was going back to the states so we could watch their new animated musical. However, "Dumbo" was one Disney I never really liked. Even as a child, I found it disturbing -- especially the scene where Dumbo's mother is locked up in a cage. Dumbo manages to sneak away to her for a visit. Chained too tightly to even look out from her barred windows, his mother sticks out her trunk and caresses Dumbo's face and wraps her trunk around his little one. The evident love and longing between the two of them is so emotional. As big tears falls from Dumbo's eyes, the mother elephant scoops up her baby and cradles him with her trunk, and she rocks him while the lullaby "Baby Mine" plays in the background:
Baby mine, don't you cry
Baby mine, dry your eyes
Rest your head close to my heart
Never to part, baby of mine
I was in the kitchen this morning thinking about Ty and wondering how I'll be feeling in a couple days. Just last night, I was telling Dan, "Sometimes it feels like it's just going to be another day. I don't think it's going to be hard really." (Oh, the denial!) As I was putting dishes away, this song played on my Pandora radio, stirring mixed emotions. The song itself is beautiful but the scene from Dumbo always comes to mind. Walking over to the computer, I couldn't decide if I wanted to change the song or not, and before I knew it, I was sitting at the computer bawling -- cursing Disney for this horrible scene of a mother and her baby forced to be apart.
Through my sobbing, I glanced over to the playroom behind me. Aiyana had wedged herself between the wall and the glass door. Watching me with a somber expression, she placed her little hand on the glass. (Seriously? Right at that moment??) The image of her trapped behind the window pane that separated the two of us, with her hand reaching out to me further broke my heart. I hurried to her, trying to wipe the tears away but as I scooped her up, the pictures of Ty all over the playroom flooded my vision and I completely lost it. The deep-rooted pain erupted, pulling from my womb as it tends to do. I squeezed Aiyana against me, feeling badly that I was crying like this in front of her. . . but she simply wrapped her arms around my neck and laid her head on my shoulder for a minute, quiet and serene. She let me cry. It's short-lived moments like this where I feel like she understands, and it's in these moments where I feel the role-reversal between Ty and me, like he's the one saying to me:
Mother mine, don't you cry
Mother mine, dry your eyes
Rest your head close to my heart
Never to part, mother of mine
If you want to see the scene I'm talking about, go to this link. Bring a tissue!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCgDgJsTR_w
*sigh* . . . everyone needs a good cry once in a while.
5 comments:
That song ALWAYS makes me cry. I love these pictures of you and Ty. Your children love you so much!
So sorry Erica! But how sweet that Aiyana sensed that you were sad and brought you comfort. Lydia does that to me too and I just chalk it up to those tender mercies from the Lord to give you the comfort that you need in those moments of weakness. I love you!
Geeeeeezzz, Erica! Dude, you gotta put some kinda warning at the top of posts like this. Totally LOST it at work today... ;) Love you!!!!
Thank you for sharing, I've never heard that song before- it's a tear jerker. Your pictures are absolutely beautiful! It's so nice to have another little one to hold while you are having hard times. So happy you have Aiyana!
I have never been the greatest fan of Dumbo for all the same reasons...except for the scene you described. I have always cried (even in high school! You know me, I'm such a baby!) when that scene comes up. When I had Rachel & Maile, I was surprised by how much they liked the movie and I remember very distinctly thinking that there isn't a lot of talking in Dumbo but a lot of emotion and I think that our children are most in tune to that: how things make them FEEL, and not so much about "the stuff". So those tender scenes where it is just mother and baby speak so loudly to them, as it does to us when we allow "the stuff" to not clutter our hearts and minds. I've been fighting the tears for 3 weeks that I can't stop right now as I write. I, too, have found love and comfort in my sweet little Ethan... especially these past couple of days as I held him tight in his room, trying desperately to not cry. I miss Ty so much, I wish it didn't feel so fresh. But I truly believe that Aiyana understands so much more than any of us realize, and I know that it is during those especially painful and tender times that Ty is aware of you. He doesn't want you to cry, but to remember. Thank you for allowing us into your heart and sharing your experiences. I love you, Erica! :)
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