Family update

It was such a crazy year that I really didn't document about Aiya and Aaron as much as I wish I had. Our days were always busy, partly because the kids like to get out and partly because if I didn't, there was so much screaming and fighting. As a check-list person, if I was home, it would drive me crazy not to be able to get anything done--not to be able to complete one full task even as minor as the dishes without all the interruptions. So for all our sakes, we were out almost every morning, followed by a friend or two coming over in the afternoons, which allowed me to get laundry done while they played. I feel like I managed three well for the most part, but after a year of toting three kids around and dealing with the mess of emotions all throughout the day, it wore on me, breaking me down until I became my worse self. I became a yeller, so frustrated and emotional right back at them. I have never felt more guilt in my life for failing my kids than I did since Logan was born. And yet, I do still recognize that I've been a good mom, involved and always trying to be better, reading about which love and discipline method might work best and always striving to understand their personalities. So I know I did my best, but I often wished I'd spread the kids apart just a little bit, knowing their high-strung, high energy emotions and like-wise, my more controlling part of personality exhibiting itself--well, trying to exhibit itself and, because I really could not always contain and control my kids, I felt insane so often!

So this new year has begun, with Aiya in Kindergarten and it has been so healthy for my psyche. Not because Aiya was the problem. My friends reassured me that anytime you have three kids with varying personalities at home, it's always a hard year. The dynamic is more challenging. But now I'm learning about both Aiya and Aaron in ways that I didn't before.

When Aiya first went to kindergarten, I hated the feeling that she was gone all day. I thought about her all day long, wondering if she was happy or listening or feeling anxious or making friends. My biggest worry about her going to school was that she'd struggle focusing or listening and get in trouble often. Dan and I were completely stunned at Open House to hear that she is behaving fantastically at school! She always listens to instructions and is ranking high on her progress report. She's not overly chatty but she's kind and friendly to other students. She's a rule follower and good example to the class! We were so proud to hear this, and also a little miffed to realize she does have the capability to focus and obey! I guess she's more comfortable at home and knows we love her when she makes bad choice to act crazy and not do what we ask. But I'm grateful she's following authority at school and learning so much. She's even sitting better during sacrament meeting at church and enjoying working on her kindergarten book. Her frustration levels have calmed from what they were during preschool--over the top reactions that made me fearful she would melt down all the time at school for not knowing how to do something. So far so good though!

I loved volunteering at school for a couple of hours and watching how kind she is and how well she participates in class. She also has a handful of friends and other girls who reached out to play with her, so she seems to be doing fine all around.

Aaron has exhibited the biggest change. He talks SO much more! He's always been chattier when Aiya's not around but now his verbal skills are off the roof! The first week, he just wanted me to play all day with him with his dinosaurs, where he'd talk aloud the whole time with his crazy, brilliant imagination. Any object can be made to fit his needs and I love to see how he does it. The first few day though, I was going crazy with how non-stop he was with talking to me or needing my attention. I realized though that he'd just been craving the attention all this time! I knew he struggled with "Aiya, stop talking over me!" throughout the year, and now that he can talk without interruption, he has plenty to say. His emotions have flipped almost a 180 while Aiya is at school. He'll get upset and frustrated, but not to the extent of the 30 minute screaming fits where I couldn't calm him down. Now he'll get mad and then come to me and apologize for "not using nice words", and he wants to hug and snuggle and act so much more grown up!

The weekends are a different story. Or a familiar one, I should say. Aiya enjoys taunting too much, so we are talking about "bully behavior" because she gets bored and enjoys his reactions too much. And then Aaron waaaay over-reacts when Aiya is involved and screams and cries and drops his maturity level majorly. It's almost like the logic and rational side of him gives up when she's around and he resorts to old behavior of melting down the second she frustrates him. So that's still a battle we are working with over the weekends, or even when Aiya gets home from school. I guess that's to be expected when three kids around each other, all clamoring for attention.

But wow, I can breath again during the school week! Logan and Aaron are pretty good for me on errands, though occasionally Logan has a hard time sitting in the cart and wants to get out and run around. But for the most part, it's so much more manageable. The house is sooo much quieter with the two of them, especially afternoons when Logan naps from 12-2:30. I put on a show for Aaron for his quiet time, and I'll hear him playing dinosaurs along with whatever dinosaur or Power Ranger show he's obsessed with. And I finally get some regular writing time again! Most days anyway. Sometimes he wants to interrupt and hang out with me, and so I'm trying to make sure I give him some one-on-one attention during that time, too. It's really helping his development!

When Aiya comes home from school, I'm amazed by the growing detail of her art work when she draws herself or a picture, like Johnny Appleseed during their apple unit. She's become quite the little artist, coloring the entire page and often incorporating rainbow colors. She's in love with rainbows these days. She still likes to help bake, so I try to be patient with her helping. When she spills and I get frustrated, she's the first to say, "I'll clean it up. It's ok, Mommy, it was just an accident" and that helps me reign in my annoyance. I love that she's teaching me to be a kinder, more understanding Mommy.

Today Dan and I watched the kids play at the park. Aiya is so social that she just inserted herself to play with others, and Aaron found a quiet spot to play in his own little world with a toy he'd brought. But later, the two of them enjoyed a chase game and playing in the water. So it was fun to watch them and talk about the interests they might have one day.

Aaron is easy: we are thinking engineer or construction management because of the way his mind works to build and put together anything. Then again, we've also guessed he might be the lawyer because the boy always has to be right (and... does play this "blame game" thing where he places fault on everyone else. ha ha). Hes' really good at using logic though for a 3-year-old, and we can tell his major frustrations often come when he can't express himself the way he's thinking in his head. "Ugh, you don't know what i mean!" is heard on a daily basis, as is, "Stop talking over me! I'm still talking!" We're not sure he'll be competitive enough for sports just yet. Still wondering about some of his coordination.

Aiya is so fast that track would probably be a good option for her. She also really likes basketball and is decent at shooting hoops! Dan thinks we should encourage that avenue for her. I'm not sure she can handle the competitive of sports right now though. She does not like to be on the spot, though she loves to be the loudest one in any situation--just as long as the spotlight is not supposed to be on her! For instance, she really struggles with Primary Program situations where she needs to say a few lines or even sing with everyone. She doesn't like all the attention. And yet, at any other even where no one is supposed to be watching her, she will scream and yell like a banshee and run around like a "crazy person" as we often say. We're not sure yet where she might put her focus!

Logan may end up being the athlete between the three of them. He's strong and fast and determined, from what we can tell so far at this age. Smart little boy too, who is good at explaining in a variety of ways what he wants. Dan's hopeful he'll get a wrestler out of one of the two boys, if not both.

Ah, finally summed up some of our life! It's been weighing on me that I haven't kept up on writing about the kids and our life. Dan and I are doing well. We get in major tiffs once in a while but I know we'll always resolve it. The fear I once had when we were dating that I'd end up divorced is never on my mind anymore. I know we will work through everything, even if the two of us handle conflict differently. Dan takes a little longer to move past a problem (grudge-holder I often accuse), while I'm usually ready to just get over it and move on, but there are some thing that need more time to talk about. So it's definitely a balancing act between us. But mostly, we recognize we are an amazing team with our kids. We both yell and lose our tempers more than we like, but we also put in more time trying to spend quality time with the kids, taking them out, treating them to favorite foods or play-places, and frequently game-nights at Aiya's request. She loves to be together with the family and play Uno, Go-Fish, or Hide-n-seek--something else I love about her. We also clean the house well together, something I am so grateful for! I couldn't do it on my own, and am trying now to be better at keeping the house up better, now that Aiya is in school. We're involved in church, Dan in Young Mens and me as gospel doctrine teacher. (I know, what?? My most dreaded calling and I totally cried fearful tears, but Dan has helped me adjust and is my planted audience member to help me through! I've learned a lot and most of my lessons have gone super well, though i've had a couple duds where I wondered what I could have done better...) We've accepted that we will always be in bigger, time-consuming callings, and while it can be hard to juggle, we love being involved. The YM, no matter the age, love Dan and his lovingly abrasive nature with them. He's very real with them and tells it like it is, and messes with the in a way that keeps the coming back for his attention. Of course, he's a fabulous teacher, as well, and can teach a magnificent lesson with very little preparation because he just knows how to talk to people of all ages and circumstances. He's pretty brilliant.

Anyway, I feel like I've caught up enough. Hoping to update once a month and get back on this family journaling!