Something to Celebrate...Finally.

I went to my very first writer's conference on Friday! I had fun looking at all the different people who were there. I think I imagined more of a crazy, spunky audience though. Before I went there I kept wondering... "Hmm...all these writers who hide behind their books. What do they look like??" Big surprise - they look like me - well, minus the half-Thai mix. They're just normal, average people! Some had more "pizazz" in their hair or clothing choices, but overall, nothing overly outrageous. Just rooms full of excited, aspiring writers! And lots of authors, too, which was inspiring.

There were four hour-long sessions on Friday, each offering four or five different options. The first one I went to was about writing query's and how to pitch your manuscript (which was helpful, since my pitch/review session was at 3:40pm!) Second: How to pace your novel. Third: How to create villains that the reader loves to hate! I left early to prepare for my appointment.

My stomach was twisting in and out of itself, and I was already flushed! It was just like preparing for the RT Conference. I just couldn't rehearse it in my head at all! I could only hope and pray what I wanted to say would come out right. As I sat waiting, I looked at the woman seated next to me, who held her notes in her shaking hands. I tried to make her feel better by asking her about her book, which seemed to calm her a bit. It was also strategic on my part - that if I could talk to her like I wasn't nervous either, subconsciously, I would assume it wasn't that big of a deal and I'd do just fine!

The editor I was pitching to works at Covenant Communications. I really didn't think I stood much of a chance, seeing as how the company publishes mostly LDS writing. But the woman at the door said they do sometimes take non-LDS writing. And if I didn't move beyond this that day, at least I was gaining necessary experience!

When it was finally my turn, I shook Kirk Shaw's hand, sat down at the desk, and was immediately put to ease. He was younger than I thought (in his thirties) and very nice looking, personable... and we just had a conversation. He didn't ask me threateningly difficult questions or try and trick me with fancy vocabulary or trivia about himself or his company. We just talked. I spoke about the basic plot summary, reminding him of the five pages I had submitted that he had read. And then Kirk kept asking questions: "So what is the mystery behind Damien?" which lead to the climax of the story, which lead to another character that connects to sub-plots...and eventually, I had explained the whole story to him. And he really seemed to like it! One thing he said was, "I really like how the story comes full circle." I like that, too.

And then he asked for the manuscript - THE WHOLE THING! I read that you can be lucky if an editor asks for the first fifty pages. I was so thrilled, but maintained my composure in the meantime. One thing Kirk did say was, "I don't know if you're ready for this or not, but the company prefers 80,000-100,000 words." Which meant I would need to cut 30,000+ words. That's a little over 100 pages, and my manuscript is 480 pages long! In my mind, I was thinking, "One quarter of the book??" But after thinking for a few moments, I realized there are actually quite a few places I could cut out: The beginning is slow, the ending drags... it'll be the middle that will be hard for me to part with. But if it gets me published, I was willing to do it! So I agreed to send him my entire manuscript via email, and that was that.

I didn't squeal in my high-pitched voice over the phone until I was sure I was out of hearing range. I only had a minute to giggle and do a mini hopping-around dance on my toes while I was on the phone with Dan, before I had to hurry to the final session on, "The First Five Pages" - something I really needed to pay attention to. But I could barely sit still! I was shaking my leg and jotting down notes about my manuscript, already trying to figure out how to edit it all so I could send it TOMORROW! Realistically, I need to take more time than that. Even though he asked for the whole thing, I need to really make sure the first fifty pages are enticing enough that he'll actually read the whole thing. But my goal is one week! I don't want to be forgotten!

I realize asking for the manuscript does not mean definite publishing. But it's one big step in the right direction - even if that direction is merely confidence boosting: My first attempt resulted in a request to hear more!

This experience and excitement I'm feeling... I can only relate it to when I found out I was pregnant. The results aren't anywhere near on the same level. But the idea that my whole world might be changing from this one thing is daunting and alluring all at the same time. Now, I'm thinking, "Wait. If I publish one book, that opens the expectation that I'll have to publish more. What if I'm not ready for that? What if I want to do it just this once??"

I remember feeling that way with pregnancy. "Once I start my family, there's not turning back. It just needs to keep going since I know about how far along I want to have my kids." I have to constantly remind myself in my life to "stay in the moment", rather than leaping to "what if" scenarios and the journey that awaits me.

But I'm proud of myself. I'm really going to do this - whether with this company or some other company, I really believe I'm going to publish this book. It's refreshing to have something so positive to focus on. It took a few days, but I finally pulled myself out of the slump I was in, back when I was posting the heavier things about Ty. I know I need to prepare myself for when I fall back down. But part of me just wants to enjoy the adrenaline and joy I'm feeling right now - allow it to recharge my body and soul so that I can bounce back up again when I need to rely on these batteries. But I do like to think Ty might be proud of me, too. Dan reminded me of that fact, and it made me smile. Really big.