If you did not get a chance to watch the video that Chris McClain put together for Ty, you can look it up at this website:
http://vimeo.com/10209055
He did an absolutely amazing job of putting Ty's pictures and home videos to touching music. It captures Ty's life and the wonderful moments Dan and I shared with him as a family so very well.
I have been avoiding watching it for over a month now. The video used to make me happy to watch it and I hardly cried after the first couple times. I felt close to Ty when I watched it. But for some reason, it is getting harder to watch these days. I thought I was strong enough today. I literally felt trepidation as I clicked on the "play" button, not sure I was ready for whatever emotions were to come. But I don't want to be afraid to feel for my baby. So I watched it just now...and couldn't contain the pain... but in between spurts of crying, the tears dried on my face as I smiled and laughed at the memories. And I felt...something...that soothed me between each cry.
Dan and I are trying to get pregnant again. I don't know how long it will take this time, but I am trying to be optimistic. And yet...sometimes, with some guilt I pray and ask God if it's possible to love another baby as much as I love Ty. Is there room in my fractured and mending heart?
I'm sure other mothers have wondered the same thing.
I believe it must be true.
Recovering and Surrendering
9 years ago
2 comments:
Hey! So I just put a library request on the book "taking charge of your fertility". It wasn't until I read through that book when Easton was made. hehe. Hurray, we can work together on round two! :)
My mom said she wondered if she could love any of her other babies as much as she loved Jenn--thank goodness for me she said it's possible. :) I remember her saying that her love just seemed to grow bigger and bigger everytime she had another.
You can do it.
And I second that comment about Taking Charge of Your Fertility. If you haven't read it you NEED to. It did wonders for me. ;) And I just bought it online on Amazon--it wasn't that much...good luck!
Post a Comment