4 Months...

It's getting close to that time... Aiyana has reached 4 months. In two weeks, she will be as old as my little Ty. Just like with Ty, when I say "She's 4 months old" I still can't help but think, "That's all? Really?" I feel like she's been in our lives for such a long time, yet the number alone doesn't seem capable of capturing all the time we've spent together and how she's changed our family. 

I cradled her in my arms yesterday as I nursed her and thought, "No wonder it hurt so bad to lose Ty." Four months old is a whole lot of life! Aiyana is so alert and bright eyed and full of personality. She laughs, she screams, she growls, she busts out the cutest smiles... She's just so alive.

Of course this age has me feeling nostalgic. I try not to always compare her to Ty, but this month... how can I not? I made it through Ty's video today, make-up stinging my eyes and tracing a teary trail. I watched our home-videos of our time with Ty, both Dan and I playing with him and reading to him the same way we are now doing with Aiyana. He was not much older than her. He was just my little baby, so alive. After putting Aiyana to bed, Dan said to me, "I'm just as attached to her as I was to Ty at this age. I don't know what I'll do if anything happens to her." Sometimes I can't help but think the same thing, and I hope it's not a test we're asked to undertake. I honestly don't know if I could do it twice. (But what about those people in this world who do?)

Even as I write this, I keep glancing over my shoulder at the swaddled, sleeping little girl behind me -- still habitually checking to see if she's breathing, even when logically I know she is and that nothing will happen to her as she lays in her inclined chair. But I thought that once before with her brother... Sometimes I feel like I don't want to get caught off guard and so I can't assume everything will be all right. But I keep trying, every day praying away the fear little by little as promised. Prayer and time are definitely helping.

Aiyana had her 4 month check-up yesterday and we met her new pediatrician, Dr. Duddy. I really like him already. (Thanks again, Carrie, for the recommendation) I told him about Ty, and admitted that some days are better than others, but most of them are better. Thank goodness for that.

 As for our "Scrunchkin-the-Munchkin", she's weighing out at 15lbs, 7oz and 24.5 inches. Supposedly she's tall for her age. She's still chunking up but I think the rate of her weight gain is slowing down. But let's be honest: Look at her. She's not hurting for the pounds!

And, of course, it's not a photo shoot of Aiyana without her trademark look of shock!

  I will never get over how beautiful her eyes are! Every woman is envious of her naturally curling, angled eyelashes, myself included. Don't know where she gets those from. Mine are all mascara! Any time I leave the house, strangers stop and stare, commenting on the adorable baby bouncing around in the Bjorn. They also might be trying to figure out if I'm truly her mother, but I'm getting over it. She's mine, and I love that she looks like her daddy.

Our new addition to Bath Time!

 "Whoa. Nobody rock the boat!"

She still loves bath time. She kicks her legs in excitement and just has a cute look of contentment on her face. Today was the first time she used her duckie and was surprised how stable it is! (I attribute this purchase to Emily and Addie for giving me the idea)

She's so fun.

Although, sometimes she's a real stinker! When she gets upset, she goes from perfectly calm to screaming mad in seconds. (Any guess where that temperament comes from? One hint. It's not me...) For instance, she has suddenly refused the bottle. I am NOT happy about that one. But maybe it didn't happen as suddenly as I feel. I used to give her a bottle every day when my mom was with me because I left the house without Aiyana more often, or I was out of the house with her at work. But since we moved and I'm not working and home more, the bottle became once or twice a week, and then maybe I might have forgotten to give her a bottle over the past two weeks... She never liked the bottle. But now she gurgles the half-ounce she manages to inhale while screaming like a banshee, acting like it's poison.

Bottle-Boot-Camp is in order! I tried two days ago, adamantly stating to her face, "No boob for you" and it became a battle of wills for... ok, maybe fifteen minutes. I couldn't do it. She looked so hungry and mad. (Mamas: Don't let this happen to you!)

In other news:

• Aiyana tolerates tummy-time but no real pursuit to roll over from tummy-to-back or vise-versa. She enjoys playing with her toys on her back and rolls onto her side all the time. She gets so close to rolling over! But that's about the extent of that. Since she's not crazy about being on her tummy, I'm not sure there's any real motivation there. But...it's kind of a blessing. One less thing to worry about at night.
• She's starting to chomp and slobber more. Teething soon? Hopefully just normal baby development. I can do without teeth for a few more months.
• She's pretty independent. If she's fed and not tired, she's happy to play with her toys and not be held all the time. Nice for me! But she's also quite snuggly any time I want to hold her. Best of both worlds!
• In Oklahoma at 3 months+ I discovered she doesn't need to be swaddled for night-sleeping anymore, and she still sleeps 7:30 or 8pm until 3:30am, then back to sleep until 7am. (Some nights she fusses more often though, and Dan has to ditch us for the couch) She does still enjoy swaddles for her long afternoon naps and won't nap long without it.
• Naps include 1 short mid-morning nap, and two naps in the afternoon.
• We're holding off on solids for another month to evaluate.
• Her Uncle Kroc (Ryan Kiefer) calls her "Baby G" and I love it.(Baby G = Baby Girl)

"That's all, Folks!"