Ah what has happened to my journaling life? I used to be the best, the most devoted, the most SANE I've ever been when I used to write all the time. I feel sooo lazy after the kids go to bed. If I'm not playing soccer (scheduled on Monday, thursday, and friday evenings), then I'm a Netflix-junkie watching mindless shows emphasized with medical dramas and mystery and maybe the occasional medieval romance-type drama.
Where to start on my endless game of catch-up? Here. Right here.
It is January 10, 2021 and we've made some changes and set some goals. Home-school last semester was a rough experience. Emotionally, it was too much stress and strain on my relationship with my kids, Aaron in particular. While I don't think it's academically the smartest move, I enrolled Aaron into the public school system again where he is learning from home through online sources. Aiya does well most days with her self-directed work and preferred to do home-school. Logan would never make any progress through online learning! So with only Aaron enrolled, it has made a huge difference on the daily emotions. He is SO much happier and at ease! Even though he's busy with school work and the scheduled online class calls, he is thriving! He is smiling and goofy and still ahead of the class like he's always been. I'm grateful he seems to have learned quite a bit with me, despite our struggles. I'm worried he won't learn much this semester because it is SO slow going. Kudos to his teacher Ms. DeMarco for her patience and efforts to include the class in group problem solving through demonstration videos and small break-out rooms where the kids can attempt group work. However, the circumstances just do not allow much progress. Still, Aaron seems to love the space and doing his own thing. I'm hoping I can make up any areas over the summer with leftover home-school material.
My hope is that Logan and Aaron can return to school in March. I don't expect it because our school district is so frustrating and seemingly useless. They've attempted nothing to accommodate in-person learning, despite neighboring states doing so with fair success. Yes, Covid numbers are still present but I will forever be irritated that they tried nothing. My kids--so many kids--need school structure and the social benefits to be themselves away from home and having other adults in their lives. Julie Prybyl from the ward offered to come over a couple times to help me with teaching at home, and the LIGHT in their eyes as they adoringly listened to her. Kids need other adults like this wonderful woman, willing to build relationships with them. Poor Aiya had a terribly hard first week back. She'd been excelling with her homeschool material before Christmas break, but she's really struggling to get back into it. "I just want to go back to school!" she cried. "I hate this! I hate learning at home!" It's really hard to see her like that because I agree. I agree with her and can do nothing to change her circumstances. Lack of control is one of the toughest consequences of Covid in a world where truth seems so varied by stats and opinions and social media and personal experiences...
Speaking of which: my dirty little secret is that I believe I had Covid at the beginning of December. I didn't get tested though because at first I just thought I had a cold, and then when I suspected I had Covid because of the distinct lack of smell or taste, I didn't want to get locked down by my late test. It was a selfish decision that, in hind-sight, I perhaps regret. And yet I don't regret it also... because I understand the desperate nature of my mind. I didn't want to be forced into lockdown over something that I believe is less of a threat than it poses--at least for most of the population. I wanted to take my own precautions and stayed away from at-risk people. I know the results of covid are so varied... but for me, it started with a sharp burning sensation in my nose, really irritating like the smell of cigarette smoke in a casino. Then I got a mild headache on the sides of my head. I think I lost my sense of smell fairly quickly on day 2 or 3 after the nose sensation. I didn't get a fever, but I felt "feverish" like one might feel at a low-grade 99 F. I was tired but not super fatigued. I had zero congestion or respiratory symptoms, though my nose did get a bit runny. I didn't feel great for about a week, but wouldn't normally have thought anything of it more than the typical winter cold--except for the lake of taste and smell.
It was SO crazy, having no idea that Eliana had pooped her diaper until the kids complained or Dan walked into the house (that was kinda fun to get out of diaper duty. lol!) The thing that made me realize this had to be Covid was when I walked into Bath and Body Works and could not smell a single candle. Whaaat?? I also struggled to season dinner, feeling "blind" as I scattered salt and flavor over food for my family, relying on their taste buds and opinion. I lost my appetite because eating was no longer fun! I took a bite of a cookie that my friend made and I had to appreciate the texture because I couldn't taste what I could imagine was delicious! What a crime not to enjoy Christmas treats. ha ha I paid more attention to dairy expiration dates... The perks of no smell, aside from changing diapers without gagging, also included no morning breath or mask breath! I couldn't smell any farts (mine or otherwise ha ha!). Some of that was pretty super. But there were worries like "oh great, do I need to wash my hair? Usually I wouldn't for another day but do I stink??" So personal hygiene was a concern at times, which I guess made me a more intentionally cleaner person (although I think i generally am).
Anyway, it took about 2 weeks before my smell returned. I took a lot of Zinc and vitamin C to supplement during my illness, and tried olfactory training by testing my smells against Vinegar and spices like cumin and garlic powder. I know some people still haven't retrieved their sense of smell even after months so I feel incredibly lucky! I know it's so random sometimes how covid plays out.
Maybe I never had it. I want to get antibody tested. The main reason I argued against having it was because Dan had been pretty sick a week or so prior. We canceled our San Diego Thanksgiving plans because he was ill and had all the covid-symptoms of fever, sweating, major fatigue for days where he just seemed to sleep for a couple days, plus congestion. However, he tested negative! So maybe his test was wrong, I don't know. But I figured if he didn't have it, I --with my lesser symptoms -- surely didn't have it. But I think I did... Nobody else got sick in the family after that, except Aiya for about a day and a half with low-grade fever and fatigue.
So there's the school and personal covid experience update! Quickly on goals: I just want to try and get a short gospel message to the kids daily. I'm terrible at consistent FHE and the primary lessons at home. It's just been too much for me to handle this year, with at home EVERYTHING, when I was so used to having the "it takes a village" experience with church and school help. But I can do better. I'm excited about the paper planner Dan threw into my stocking this year. I love goals on good ol' fashion pen and paper! So my goals are
*daily gospel "thoughts" we'll call them and weekly FHE.
*Weekly family journaling.
*More one-on-one time with the kids and games together.
*Less yelling and... uh... swearing, however "mild" the swears have been. More patience.
*Improve daily prayers and spiritual personal thoughts
None of that is worded very well but it's in my head. I got it.
Happy New Year. Let's bring back some old normal.
No comments:
Post a Comment